Piece by: Nick Kokoropoulos
Aaaaaand we’re back. As you may have noticed, I have added the phrase ‘NBA’ to the title of this weekly series. ‘League Pass Power Rankings’ flows better, but ‘NBA League Pass Power Rankings’ tastes better to the algorithms. Now, I’m not saying I’m some SEO mastermind, but my DM’s are open for consultation.
If you missed the previous rankings, you can find it here, or here, or here. If you still can’t find it, please, get help.
As you may have also noticed, these rankings are 46% arbitrary and definitely not weekly. Nobody’s perfect.
Honorable Mention: Phoenix Suns
Last Week: N/A
Hot take for one of the hottest teams in basketball: the way Chris Paul has aged is more impressive than the way Lebron has aged.
Hotter take for one of the hottest teams in basketball: Deandre Ayton will be as good as Joel Embiid in the next five years.
Hottest take for one of the hottest teams in basketball: Phoenix will beat the Nets in the finals next year, forcing Steve Nash and Mike D’Antoni to retire out of shame.
10. Milwaukee Bucks
Last Week: 9
If the cinematic masterpiece, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, was a basketball player, its name would be Thanasis Antetokounmpo. And while we’re on the topic Greek film: when you meet a Greek person, you don’t have to ask if they’ve seen the aforementioned movie. In fact you shouldn’t unless you actually mean to kill the conversation.
9. Memphis Grizzlies
Last Week: N/A
I have been to three Grizz games in the past month, which kind of defeats the purpose of League Pass, but, as the old adage goes: you just can’t beat the real thing.
8. Denver Nuggets
Last Week: 7
Jokic.
7. Los Angeles Lakers
Last Week: 2
This team is far less exciting without Anthony Davis. If I wanted to watch Lebron James struggle to carry a team with slightly above average role players, I’d hop into my time machine and take a trip to 2008, and then 2009, and then 2018, and then 2019, and so on, and so on.
6. Portland Trail Blazers
Last Week: 8
Damian Lillard has clearly proven that he is the Christian Bale version of Batman and not the Adam West version. So, the next time you’re watching the Blazers, throw on The Dark Night or Batman Begins (both recently added to Netflix), sit back, and revel in the masterful performances of Lillard and Bale.
5. Golden State Warriors
Last Week: N/A
I have intentionally left the Warriors off this list for the past couple of weeks to exact vengeance upon Curry and crew for ruining my college years as a basketball fan. Now, however, their entertainment value on and off the court is too high (not that high) to deny. If the NBA is going to change their logo to Kobe Bryant, they should change the name of the entire All-Star weekend to “Chef Curry’s Showcase.”
4. Charlotte Hornets
Last Week: 4
#4 on this list and #7 in the Eastern Conference, but Eric Collins will always be #1 in your heart. The buzz around the block is that MJ might trade for a center (Vucevic, Vucevic, please let it be Vucevic). If that turns out to be true, the Hornets could bring quite the sting.
3. Philadelphia 76ers
Last Week: 5
Ask Siri when the last time a team with both the Defensive Player of the Year and the MVP failed to win a championship, and she’ll reply with last year’s Bucks. Ask the same question again around this time next year, and she’ll reply with this year’s 76ers.
2. Utah Jazz
Last Week: 3
I bet a friend $20 that the Jazz would win the NBA Finals, so it will be awhile before they move down in the rankings. Will I lose $20? Most likely. Will it be worth it? Most definitely. Utah has everything I like in a title contender: a few All-Stars (shoutout to Mike Conley for finally breaking the seal), an inferiority complex, and a guy called, ‘Minivan.’
1. Brooklyn Nets
Last Week: 1
About seven or eight years ago, when Blake Griffin was at the peak of his athletic ability, I saw the Clippers play the Thunder in Oklahoma City. I was so excited to see Griffin dunk in person, but, alas, he never did. Kevin Durant stole a lob from Chris Paul, and that was the closest Griffin got to making a young man’s dream come true. Now Durant and Griffin are on the same team, and he still won’t be dunking, but what if? What if…?
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