Piece by: Nick Kokoropoulos
If you missed last week’s rankings, you can read them here. Maybe you thought they were so good that you just have to go back and read them again. You can do that here too.
Before I roll out this week’s rankings, I want to address a couple of things.
First, I know that League Pass could be considered obsolete because one could theoretically watch every game for free through some hypothetical Reddit stream. However, I refuse to endorse a federal crime no matter how catchy Piracy Power Rankings may sound. Real fans put real dollars where their real mouth is.
Second, I will be adding an Honorable Mention to the mix, at least for this week.
Okay, back to the action.
Honorable Mention: Oklahoma City Thunder
Last Week’s Ranking: N/A
I would not be surprised if this team broke the top 10 soon, but really I added an Honorable Mention this week solely for Kenrich Williams’ hair. He has the best NBA ‘do’ since Drew Gooden, and there is no close second.
10. Los Angeles Clippers
Last Week’s Ranking: #7
Every time I watch the Clippers, I remember all the kids in high school who pretended they were friends with Luke Kennard. Those kids and Clippers’ fans who believe their favorite team has a chance at a title happen to share something in common: they both make me laugh. As a result, the Staples Center, at least on nights when the Clippers play host, has become my favorite comedy club in L.A.
9. Milwaukee Bucks
Last Week’s Ranking: N/A
This one’s for honor, for country, for Giannis. The Greek Freak is this country’s greatest Hellenic import since baklava. And while we’re on the topic of Greek food, it’s pronounced “yee-ro,” not “jeye-ro.” If you still need help, Google it. For the love of all that is good, true, and beautiful on this earth, please, Google it. Then vote for Khris Middleton to make the All-Star game.
8. Portland Trail Blazers
Last Week’s Ranking: #8
On this week’s episode of Batman, watch The Caped Crusader (Damian Lillard) defend Gotham with the help of his trusty, new sidekick, Nightwing (Gary Trent, Jr.), while Robin (C.J. McCollum) sits out with a broken foot.
7. Denver Nuggets
Last Week’s Ranking: #4
Jokic.
6. Sacramento Kings
Last Week’s Ranking: #10
There’s a parallel universe in which Lew Alcindor changed his name to Richaun Holmes and dominated the league with the most unstoppable push shot this side of the Atlantic. We might just be living in it.
5. Philadelphia 76ers
Last Week’s Ranking: #3
This team reminds me of the Shaq and Kobe era Lakers with half of the star power and none of the dominance. I don’t know, maybe it’s Doc Rivers’ sad impersonation of Phil Jackson as the “super-star whisperer” and the fact that the Embiid-Simmons relationship will implode in a few years.
The rest of this content and more is available on our Patreon page, under the NFL subscription tier for just $5 per month.