Piece By Nick Kokoropoulos
February 4th, 2021
If you do not already have an NBA League Pass subscription, then please fix that here. If ‘investing’ $40 into Dogecoin seemed like a good idea (I dropped $180 myself; diamond strong hands, baby), then I assure you, $20 a month to watch Luka, Lebron, and Giannis is a no-brainer.
I mean really, would you rather watch Netflix’s vapid attempt at Harry Potter, a.k.a Winx Club Gone Wild, for the third time or Jokic’s “New year, new MVP” tour? That’s what I thought. Now, fair warning: once logged in and ready to go, the vast array of viewing options can be overwhelming. With so many great players and exciting teams, it is a wonder how anyone decides what game to watch. This is where I come in.
Every week I will be ranking the top 10 most watchable teams. You’re welcome. Keep in mind, this is not a list of the 10 best overall teams in the NBA. This is a list of the 10 best “get your popcorn ready” teams that turn the game into an experience. Sure, the level of play matters, but so does star-power, broadcast quality, narrative, and sometimes even uniforms. So, without further ado, here is this week’s League Pass Power Rankings.
10. Sacramento Kings
The Sacramento Kings are a never-ending cliffhanger. How much longer will Marvin Bagley III’s father keep up his Lavar Ball impression? Will the Kings finally end their playoff drought? Will we ever find out just how old Buddy Hield is? Only time will tell.
9. Cleveland Cavaliers
The next time you don’t know what to watch on a Tuesday night, take a trip to America’s hottest new tourist destination, Sexland, where Colin Sexton slays giants, Andre Drummond plays like it’s 1985, and Isaac Okoro tries his darndest to guard the best players in the world. By the end of your stay, you’ll be wishing Austin Carr was the color commentator of your life.
8. Portland Trailblazers
This team reminds me of the 1960s TV series, Batman. The parallels are endless. Damian Lillard is Batman, C.J. McCollum is Robin, and they always make The Joker (Russell Westbrook) look silly. Pow!
7. Los Angeles Clippers
This team is entirely uninteresting to me, except for Kawhi Leonard and Paul George. Still, they are one of the best teams in the West and they have Kawhi Leonard and Paul George.
6. Utah Jazz
This iteration of the Jazz is a masterclass in team building and it shows on the court. Their offense: smooth. Their defense: fortified. They’re COVID: free. Watching Utah play is like watching a Mormon Coltrane find the flow state at a Salt Lake City speakeasy. The only thing that can slow them down at this point is Monsieur Gobert’s propensity to cough into microphones.
5. Charlotte Hornets
On paper, it may seem that the Hornets are ranked a tad high on this list. However, games are not played on paper, they’re played on League Pass, and LaMelo and The Hornettes are built to entertain. The youngest Ball brother plays with a youthful exuberance that I can only imagine Ben Simmons would have if he actually enjoyed basketball, Bismack Biyombo shoots threes, and Gordon Hayward is playing like he’s worth at least half of what the Hornets are paying him. Personally, I think that M.J. should have taken the other $60 million and given it to play by play extraordinaire, Eric Collins, for calls like this, but I digress.
4. Denver Nuggets
Jokic.
3. Philadelphia 76ers
I can’t put my thumb on why exactly, but this team feels like the ‘Lob City’ Clippers with less alley-oops and more talent. I don’t know, maybe it’s Doc Rivers and the fact that they’ll find a way to choke in the second round of the playoffs. Either way, Joel Embiid is playing Premier League while everyone else is playing MLS.
2. Los Angeles Lakers
LeBron James is on a mission, and it is a joy to behold. He could have taken this regular season lightly, but instead he chose to bless us with some all-time play. I know greatness when I see it, and James has been truly great…at turning meaningless comments from former coaches and absurd squabbles with Courtside Karens into pure diesel. Somebody’s shoes could squeak the wrong way and The King would use it as motivation to put up 45 before you could say: “Daddy Carlos.” Let’s just hope the kid from Akron was able to channel some of this energy into Space Jam 2.
1. Brooklyn Nets
Picture this: you see a long, hooded figure brooding next to his locker, glued to his phone. It’s KD, and he just tweeted at a distressed Steve Nash for the third time that night from his third different burner account. “Nash is a bum if he thinks playing Durant at the 5 is going to last much longer!” Durant furtively scans the room. Got away with another. Suddenly, a blood-curdling shriek assaults your ear drums. Did someone just die? In a way. Opposite of Durant, you find Mike D’Antoni consoling James Harden.
Dreams Houston took his jersey down from the rafters. The poor man hasn’t eaten in three days and now this? Tragedy. But wait — what’s that smell? Is that…sage? Yes, it is. The burning foliage softly crackles in harmony with the droning sobs. You turn around to find Kyrie Irving doing his best to mend the bad vibes one flick of the wrist at a time. His soft, self-satisfied countenance quickly turns to shock as rain falls from the ceiling. DeAndre Jordan hurriedly shouts, “Fire! Fire!” Everyone scrambles out of the locker room and funnels into the tunnel. The fire alarm fades into fireworks. All you hear now is the fake roar of the virtual crowd. It’s game time. Welcome to Brooklyn.